Saturday, February 19, 2005
{ 2/19/2005 07:52:00 PM }
Heyy peopleee...
I'm gonna be a little serious here. So if you're bored, feel free to read or not. But is gonna be real long and boring I'll say. This were my thoughts since last week.
Alright... I thought to myself these few days;I look back at times where I was sec1 & 2. I thought how I was, how I act myself, how I behave and think. And my conclusion... Yes, I was not mature enough.
There I thought. I do have to mature up. I've been a little childish. Acting totally lame-o. Acting like a crap. Acting like some jerk. An "Ass". Really.... Is time I grow up a little. I'm sec3 or rather....15 yrs old. Is time I think properly. Think about my future... I'll have to learn to study harder. Strive harder. Work harder.
Okay, I'll say I'won't be so serious at all times. Of course I'll still fun too. But limitations are to be met too. Yeah.... We all change and I hope I change for the better of my character.
Audrey told me not to change for the sake of others because they don't accept my character... But it wasn't because of that.... It was because I think its time for me to change my behaviour; my character; my life; &... my mindset... Although she also mentioned to me that she wasn't able to change totally. But she said that she had changed from an typical ah lian till a mature grown up woman. Yes, I believe that as it is true. She may seem crappy and lame and full of nonsense at times. But she is changed into a grown up adult. She's in NJC-Intergrated Programme. She's ultra smart but she's having stressed out problems. Is common but she's managing fine, she have great friends (No lar... Not talking about myself... I'm not that great), she have confidence... in fact, great character.
So I thought, Am I able to change a whole new mature character myself? I don't know. Only God knows. Only time will tell.
I had a chat with the mayor from Katoots( a forum) on msn. He asked me about why I said I wanna change my character.
I told him things.... I said: Is rather time for me to grow up...mature up. Be a little responsible..
He repiled to me that... He is glad to hear that I'm thinking this way. Because actually in the most of the eyes from the people from the katoots team, they said I'm already matured.
I was totally amused. I didn't knew the people were that nice. I mean... I'm already matured in the eyes of theirs... This sort of made me more... confident or having more "will" to change my character because there are people who does not really look down on me. There are people who actually accepting who I am.
I apologised to the mayor because last time I made fun of him as "Ever-nerd"... His nick is called "Ever-meet". Until today... I was a stupid idiot. I thought... I put myself into his shoe and I'm being called "Ever-Nerd", and yes... I feel like a fool.. being insulted. I totally realised it. I was such a jerk....a loser sort.
But the mayor didn't hold the matter against me. I'm was really glad becase he 4gave me. =)
Overall, he was quite happy that I was thinking of this way as a 15yr old person. I'm really glad to hear that from an adult who thinks that way. Thank you for your concern & having a talk with me Mayor. =)) I totally appreciate it.
----
Then comes today... Alexander James Creswell aka A-J... A new classmate of mine. We had a talk. He thought about our friendship between him & me. He felt it was like: "One minute I'm his friend then the next minute, I'm not". He asked me that if there's anything that had actually been disturbing me about him. I told him... Frankly... "No... not at the moment". We both knew each other for 2 months and we had a great friendship. He mix with me and Junsian and a few other classmates.
We talked about something. Something personal. In fact.... about my personal life. Saying..that I'm a nice person, not an ugly freak because he is. Which is something I must clarify.... Well, I'm not great looking, cool looking, fantastic looking, macho looking like example: "Bratt Pit" which all girls are crazy over. (And I admit I say he's rather good looking... no complains about girls like him). I mean.. I'm not that ultra cool or good. Girls sort of go for the funny, macho, coOoL guys. I admit I'm not really one of them.... =) Next is... I'm a nice fellow. Alright, the thing is... I'm nice but not as nice as other people out there... There're other nicer people. They can be trusted more than rather old me. I'm just a typical fellow. =)
And another thing A-J and me talked: He said that... I don't really have much confidence. Yes, sometimes I got to confess that I have confidence... but very seldom. Is just that... I fear for some overall results.... I sometimes lose confidence, I sometimes lost total confidence. I guess this might be something I got to work on and learn something about it...
Well..... I'm afraid thats all I really have to say.
I'm going to te gone from 21st -----> 25th Feb as I'm going to OBS. Take note people. I'll be back on Friday.... I think that should be it... *Sigh*
Take Care, Tanki Verdi Mucchi 4 REadi pple & God Bless!
[Lordtootz]-Aylwin...
