Monday, September 26, 2005
{ 9/26/2005 12:13:00 AM }
Sometimes I wonder, do you ever dream of the perfect place, filled with perfect people you want to meet, the perfect environment and of course, the perfect life. Thats Paradise.
You people should listen to this song: I've Never Been To Me
A really sweet and beautiful song. It gives you the warm and heartful feeling after listening to it. Do give it a shot.
-------------
7 Days from now, its the starting of E.O.Y exams. And I'm still thinking over things. I just need...motivation and inspiration. But I just can't find it. Its missing but its no where to be found. Again.-------------
A burden. An irritator. An annoy-er. A bastard. Are these what am I to you? If I am, please tell me. Let me know so that I won't come screw your life. Because, all I only wished now is you have happiness and not sadness. Please, tell me what am I towards you. I've been thinking too much already. I'm afraid of being the person who screw your life up and I didn't realised that. I'm afraid of getting more and more...agitated. Over small things.
I'm supposed to warn you of someone but maybe, you know what kind of fellow that guy is but you don't mind for who he is. I also have a feeling you're interested in him which I'm anxious about. But that would be better for me. I'll just feel better and much more relaxed. I'm pessimistic thats why. But still, I don't know if I still should warn you.
In the end, I'm truely sorry.
Shoutouts:
Jerry: YOU'VE RECOVERED! Thats great! Haha
Hey bro, don't give up alright? If you really wanna give up, make sure you think throughoutly because, you'll really tend to have regrets later on. Very painful regrets. So don't give up and show her that you're the person that really cares for her and you're really interested in her.
However, here's my greatest advice: Be sincere to whatever you do for her. Thats the key point. Being sincere. (:
So anyway, make sure you're fully recovered so that I can treat you to a packet of twisties. Hahaha. God bless you man.
Bean:Hey man, you got motivation to study and I don't. How pathetic is that? Super pathetic right? Hahaha. Study hard alright? Don't go CS-ing all day.
After the exams, you go do your thing and then we shall PARRRTTTY!! Hahaha. On? Lol.
Brother-Celine: Hey, it was kind of shocking that you suddenly fell sick at a time like this. Make sure you have lots and lots of rest. Like what one of my good friend always advised me, drink lots and lots of water. And it really helps. Exams are really so get well soon alright? Take care! (:
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
{ 9/21/2005 04:10:00 PM }
Hey Jerry Mouse, I'm really sorry to hear you been kissed by the bloody mosquito and you suddenly contracted dengue fever. Brother, Please please please... take care of yourself. I want you to get well soon, alright? Drink lots and lots and lots of WATER. Thats very important right now. If there's anything you need help with, do let me know. I'll try to do my best. However, right now is YOU must have lots of REST. Just don't let me catch you outside Dianne's house hor... I'll seriously murder you. But rest assured that I'll make sure nothing happens to her and you. So anyhow, I'll be praying over for you. You don't give up ur 'jio-ing' ok? We go through our E.O.Y exams first then we from there see what we should do next. NOW, you must really go get rest and water. Take care.... I don't want anything bad happen to you, dear brother. If you get well, I'll treat you to a good feast. And I promise that. Just live on... Dengue fever requires will-power to cure it. Bean, Caine and me will be there for you. We won't leave you bestest brother. God bless you.----------------------------------
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you
How I wish that one day I could say these to you. But I realised that there won't any chance at all. If there is a 1% chance, I will still say it but there won't be even a single hope. I'm all so lost...lost of what to do and lost of what say and also, lost for everything. Haiz
God bless all.
'ayl-
Saturday, September 17, 2005
{ 9/17/2005 08:41:00 PM }
4 brothers, 4 drunkards, all got really high in Bean's apartment. 1 claimed he's not drunk but he actually is. 1 was feeling way high because he drank the most and so he made the most noise. 1 stays pretty calm.. While the other 1, laugh like super crazy and crapped more than he's supposed to be. but before all these, in the afternoon i had to meet bean, caine, jerry and 2 char bors (one of them is Dianne lar). We met at HANS first to eat lunch. I CAME FIRST. And i had to choke 8 bloody seats. imagine how foolish i looked sitting there?
After all the crappness going on, we walked to bugis and then studied there. From 3-5pm doing work. Then we went over to bean's house.
The first thing was that we played a little bit of pool. Then, Bean brought down some drink.
- Rum Refresher + Orange Juice. Very nice. But too bad he didn't make much of it. After abit of pool, we played the tarot cards and abit of stuff. Soon, we went up to order pizza.
Bean opened a bootle of red wine? I didnt' really fancy it but it was ok. But we did get a little too high. We played cards, watch tv and we really played around.
Jerry, he started gaying bean and caine (Picture taken). Bean went inside kitchen, Jerry also started to make loud noises. Then later he targetted me. I told him lets do it in the toilet. And we really did it. I grabbed him in the neck with my arm and turned on the tap and started splashing water on his face. Lol. He went like: 'Wha aylwin, you good man...you good.' Hahaha.
Then ate our dinner and continue doing nonsense. Started getting really really high until we went siao. But seriously, i felt very tired.. like very nice to sleep at the moment. Sigh.
---
i've still been thinking. i don't know if you till now still remember who am i. but i still been praying over you and hope that everyday and everything is going fine. i only wish is that you have happiness all day long, and forever. thats all i want.
----
finally got a new converse school bag- woots? Sigh
'ayl- - [Lordtootz]
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
{ 9/14/2005 09:56:00 PM }
Doubt you're reading this Aud but anyway, I'll still post it:'HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY! MAY GOD BLESSINGS SHOWER ON YOU FOREVER.'---------------
Halfway through dinner after training, I nearly puked. Had a shocked by something. After that incident, my suddenly hand was shivering while eating my dinner. Even walking around got me really dizzy.I just don't understand why.
Shoutouts:
Jerry: Don't feel discouraged. You're a really nice guy. I'm sure everything will still go fine.Bean: Hey, seriously. I know its been really hard on you these days. Many things have been happening and I understand the pressure. Studies, school, friends, family, life. I also have diffculties now but exams are coming. I try not to let it distract me too much. However, don't give up. You say I'm a happy-go-lucky kinda fellow (which i was entirely surprised), and i say you're a really diligent dude. I also know how you feel too especially about your grandfather's death. Frankly, I also wanted to cry for you during the funeral. But, your grandfather's watching you from above and you don't want him looking at you like this right? There's a light to every darkness. So don't feel all depressed and all. You're a really nice fellow and shouldn't feel this way. Just only if you really need to let it all out, let it out. Don't hold back. Men cries too. I'll be praying for you man but for now, take care yeah? -brothers-Celine: Heyy... still, i really appreciate the help and advices you been giving me. Hope everything is fine for you... Exams are nearby so mug hard but not too hard alright? Rest lots too. Still, Thanks for almost everything for being the best 'goodie buddie'. God bless.-ayl. - [Lordtootz]
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
{ 9/13/2005 08:15:00 PM }
*A BIG WARNING TO THE SMSS NPCC GIRLS*Better watch your backs. Because I'll never forgive you people for you done to me. Not only to me but to my poor brothers. Although I must say I was lucky and suffered the least but my other poor brothers suffered even more. You made me 'lao sai' badly, stain my poor converse school shoes and caused me to feel really weird in the stomach now. So WATCH OUT. I won't forget this day. I regretted coming today but I came for the sake of Jerry as he is my good brother. Next time, its PASTA-MANIA. Caine and me had prepared the 'food' for you already. Better say your prayers.
And you, JERRY TAN. NNB. I don't know how you talked me into this. But oh wait... I said I will support you all the way right? shucks. Haiz. But at least she is the NOT SADDISTIC among the others. Thats good. However, YOU'RE TOO GUAI. WHY YOU PASS HER THE BUTTER. IT ADDS EVEN MORE CREAMY!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BAD IZIT. Never mind. Bcos you're my good brother... I dun blame you. for now.And so... BETTER KNOW WHO ARE YOUR TRUE BROTHERS OKAY?------------------------------------------------------
about 4 more hours. i dunno what to say. i dunno if i shld even say something. there's nothing for me to say anything. i doubt i get any reply. i got everything prepared...all ready to be given off. the items, the note...my shame. All on stand-by. only when will it be given...i'll decide soon. to what i shld do. i only pray and pray to that person. god bless.[-ayl.]
Monday, September 12, 2005
{ 9/12/2005 08:03:00 PM }
Caught in the rain. Super soaked. Praying not to fall sick. I only have 3weeks left or even less.
Today:
-Lectured my sec2 junior for not bringing me an
IMC* hamper. (*
IMC =
In
Mint
Condition)
-Went to tie a sharp pointy stick to my wooden rifle.
-Jerry and me scolded another Sec1 and 2 for a really serious case
-Got mugged in the BB's admin room
-Talked and helped Jerry inside admin room about his problem.
-Somebody i knew came to my sch? and saw jerry? Erm... I didn't dared to say hi. I dunno why.
-Went to bugis village to help Jerry get a new school bag.
-Ate dinner at bugis. Went alittle high again
Haix.
I'm seriously, deeply lost. Just lost. I have no idea what to do from here now. Maybe there isnt anything for me to do. But i feel something must be done even though im draggin it. Sooner or later... i need that answer. the answer to my end of everything.
Jerry: you're really taking a lot of initiative yup? You're doing fine so far. But anything need help... let me know. And i'll let you know if i can make it tmr to go with u.Celine: The redish hamster. hope your skin is healing better. take care of urself alright? And really sorry to making you stay up so late to talk to me. You're really nice to talk to yeah? hahaha. Sorry if i had bored u to the death. Oh well. But like i said and i say it again. One day he will come back to you, and ask to be friends with u again. I know that he does still keep the happy and precious memories/moment you both shared together. He might still not be able to take the blow that time but let the time heal his wound. And after that, he will think abt it again...and im sure he will do the right thing. I can bet he is still concerned about how are you doing. Next time... you find the right day. Call him and have a good chat with him and get back that wonderful friendship. All is not lost. =)) God bless alright?-ayl.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
{ 9/11/2005 05:20:00 PM }
i'm feeling sad for her. but i cant do anything but stand aside and watch. i seriously have no idea of what to do or what to say. she'll just get all outburst at me and pissed at me. i'm really hopeless and useless.
is there no end for her? when can it ever stop. Lord, i really prayed hard to you everyday for her. Pls help her and turn the tables around. Show her that there are people that cares for her. i dun care if both of us have to end our friendship to sacrifice but please... help her.
i'm already feeling all stressed. haiz. many things have been really indecisive for me. Dear Lord.. Pls do help her. I cant do anything but only pray for her.
Haix. Now im really tired. I even feel weak. just better not be malaria. Sia la.
Nuff said. Sigh. hope she doesnt see this post
-ayl.
Friday, September 09, 2005
{ 9/09/2005 09:02:00 PM }
CrazyForThisGirl - Evan & JaronShe rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl
She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl
Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl
-------------
sigh. this song is just like how i'm feeling right now? i dunno. i'm so feeling shagged.
Shoutouts:jerry: *GRINS*. like i said my dear brother... I support whatever decision you make. However, yeah... don't break down too much. The good thing also is that she stays near you (Which was really a big surprise). Anything you need help, let me know and i shall see what i can do, yup? Don't break down too fast. You're going through Confidence Test again...only at an advanced level...-i think.Caine, Poosiang: PK Test fail already. Damnit. If only we were allowed to cheat...like always.Beanie: Welcome back! Hope to see you soon...online at least.Celine: Hey... yeah. Nice to hear you for the first time. Sorry if I bored you. But yup. Thx for being a really good friend. And yes, I promised for the promise of not to tell anyone one of your secret. Also thx for the really great advices and such. I really cannot thank you enough, not to mention the great laughter we had. But right now... I dunno if I shld really warn her. I doubt she wants to see me and all. Aurgh. I'm just feeling... 'undecisive'. (sigh) Still...thank you so much for everything. I couldnt ask for more. [ -ayl. ]
Thursday, September 08, 2005
{ 9/08/2005 08:26:00 PM }
Today, 3 Persons seriously needed a damn tight slap right to their faces. A
reeaaal TIGHT one.
1. The lecturer
2. The other lecturer
3. The asshole who chose the food for lunch
These bloody ass-es were irritating me. The lecturers were very smart. Bombarding us with lectures.
No wait... I rephase again.
BOMBARDING us with MORE THAN 10 Lecture Presentations. Bloody hell. Not to mention, the super stuffy hall they put us into. But tell you what. Lets do this the time sloting format.
5.30am: Mom woke me up at a wrong time. It was supposed to be 1hr later. Knn. Wasn't able to go back to sleep.
6.30am: I woke up and dragged myself to the toilet.
6.50am: Left the house
7.03am: Reached school. Quickly changed into my Full Uniform.
7.15am: Changed finish.... Placed our stuff at admin room and walked to the transport centre to wait for our bus.
8.05am: Bus came. We complained we had came to school too early.
8.06am: Off we go. To Hong Kau Secondary School. (Basket... its at Jurong West)
8.16am: We're on the expressway...caught in a jam. There was this 506 bus in front of us with an advertisment of Foot massage thingy. So it shows 2 bare feet with faces.
Amusing.8.20am: We still see the same bus in front of us.
8.31am: The
SAME bus again in front of us. This time, Poosiang got really sian and he started talking cock about St. Mags girls from one bus later jumping to the top of our bus. 'W-T-F'.
8.41am: We're sooo late. We're supposed to reach there at 8.30am.. but... Sigh.
8.46am: Like... what the hell? We've been faced with the BLOODY same 506 bus in front of us for 40mins. We're getting really irritated here.
9.04am: THE SAME BUS IS STILL IN FRONT OF US. KNN. NEARLY A DAMN HOUR LOOKING AT THE FREAKING SAME ADVERTISMENT.
9.06am: Finally out of the jam. FINALLY. So the uncle cheong to the school. We recieved news that everyone was waiting for us. (Everyone = 500-600 of them)
9.25am: We walked into the hall. They were watching Spiderman.
9.30am: Lecture starts.
10.30am: A break from 2 lectures. Me and poosiang tried looking for the SMSS. We wanted to find the chance for Jerry.
11.02am: Back to our seats and await for the next presentation.
12.25am: LUNCH. I was super starved.
12.45pm: Fall in at parade square and admin stuff.
12.55pm: We ate our lunch. This asshole who chose the food needs to be slapped. No. Slap is too nice. A
PUNCH indeed. It SUCKS. NB.
1.05pm: Poosiang and me finished first so we went to the hall to slack. Then soon, the others started comin up.
1.25pm: We tried to help Jerry talked to Diane from SMSS. But he failed. Wasted.
1.45pm: A 2nd try. Jerry was sitting down. I was sitting next to him the whole time. Then his SMSS called out to him. Wanting him to say Hi to Diane. but he said:
'OH SHEET! WHA LAU!!! What you all trying to do! Bloody malu lar!'. ... oh well.
1.55pm: Joshua Tan and Joshua Lee were pestering Jerry to go for it. In the end, I told Jerry, I'll support whatever decision you choose. He smiled. Thats good.
2.04pm: Lecture again. Bombard-tions began.
3.03pm: Buey ta-han. Lucky now is break. Jerry and me were complaining how numb our butts were.
'Lao-ya' chairs.
3.30pm: Break's over. Jerry and me tried taking pictures together but we sort of defeat the purpose. So dun ask.
3.35pm: The lecturer's getting on my nerves. He's talking too much cock.
3.45pm: Because I helped jerry copy down notes just now while he's sleeping... Now it was my turn to sleep while he copies.
3.52pm: Woke up. Went back to sleep.
4.03pm: Arh... slightly better. Arh well. I was feeling kinda high then.
4.15pm:Jerry and me were talking about our game activities for the Unit camp.
4.23pm: Starting singing songs to him.
4.27pm: Still singing.
4.33pm: The lecturers' were getting more irritating.
4.47pm: I need a stick.... to shove it up their damn ass. I'm feeling too agitated. NB.
4.48pm: My feet are feeling cramped bcos of the new boots.
4.57pm: Seriously.... does anyone have a stick? KNN.
5.10pm: Still singing songs to Jerry. I was getting ultra crappy too.
5.17pm:
ALL LECTURES ENDED. Thank goodness.
Nuff said. Poosiang managed to get Daine's number for Jerry. The rest you should figure it out.
Therefore... I have wasted a total of nearly 12hrs of my life. BASKET. STROKE THE ASSHOLES' BALLS LAR.
God bless all. I'm really shagged.
-ayl.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
{ 9/07/2005 05:44:00 PM }
To Beanie: Brother, I've already decided. Its not what you expected of me. But you, please don't follow me. You still got a high chance. But thx for your advice anyway. Really appreciate it. =)
-ayl.
{ 9/07/2005 05:05:00 PM }
I done it again. I did it again. How in the whole world have i done again? I've don't have any bloody single idea. I'm sorry. I'm truely sorry. I doubt that 'someone' will pop-by into this blog and read what i wrote. But i dunno. what i want to say to that 'someone' is: I'm deeply, sincerely sorry. I've irritated you bad enough. if that one single word is not enough, tell me what to do. jumping off the damn 98th storey building...just say it. being trampled to death by elephants...just say it. as long it convinces you.Sigh. I really dunno. I pray for you every single day. Asking you that you'll be blessed. Wishing you, your friends and your family great health.It doesnt matter. I'm a fellow who make things worse. Sigh. i also find myself to be a useless friend.But thats it. I doubt my truth towards you won't affect you one bit. Even if one bit does, you wont give a damn. Cos im seriously going to end it for me... and wait for the results. Shoutouts:-'someone': Please. Please. On my knees on the solid rocky ground. Don't do this to yourself. You still have your family, relatives, the true friends around you. i know its been really hard on you. i know its difficult having to go through all the nonsense of gossips and jeers and such. BUT. I have faith and trust in you. I even think most of your friends have it in you. DONT GIVE UP. GIVING UP is not the solution to the problem. God helps those who help themselves. And I'm sure you did help yourself. But if you dont think so? then carry on. God knows when to help. If you have no faith or hope in us or anyone... at least have in the mighty Lord. I dont want you being like this. You'll know when your friends are the true ones when they stand by with you during the times like these. And these friends can be counted on and be trusted. Show them that YOU can do better than them. Prove them wrong. If they still think you're a bitch or slut... tell them to screw off. You dont need pple like this to get into your way of life. Look towards your goal and you defintely can achieve it. Life is hard. Everyone have to go through it. Life isnt that easy. I'm in Normal Academic. I have fuckers and assholes in my class. People tend to look down on N(A) peeps. I partially understand what you're going through. Like i said. Life isnt easy. So PLEASE...--i'm feeling agitated already.aurgh.-ayl.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
{ 9/03/2005 06:44:00 PM }
A Super Big, Lame, Gigantic, SEXY, Cute, Sweet Message To Jerry Tan-Mouse:HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY! Stay Sexy and Cool, Mouse. Hahaha =))-It's been already 1 year and it passed really fast. Jerry's birthday was the first we celebrated from our squad. Now its already the 2nd time. Hahaha. Time runs really fast when you dunno it. After celebrating Jerry's birthday, I was needed to go down from lavender all the way to Takashimaya. Sigh. Why arh? Classmates of mine forced me to come down for a dinner with our ex-teacher, Joy Low. She's leaving for UK soon so we gotta like... meet up with her and such. (You know the explaination lar).At first we chose to eat at Seoul Garden. But soon, they changed. They told me they rather go Fish & Co. I did hesitate when I heard that restaurant. But heck, for the sake of the classmates. So we walked to Wheelock. On the way, we talked and chat.As we reached, line was kinda long but soon got a sit for all 6 of us. 4 guys later got all crazy about asking the teacher for alcohol cocktail. *Pause*. I was not one of them. Wasn't in the mood to drink anyway.Everyone orders New York Fish and Chips while I chose Best Fish & Chips? Abit contradictive. After dinner, we decided to pay for her... but things went screwed up. Then, we walked to Cine to either watch movie or play arcade. On the way there, we took abit of pics together. Especiall with one retro dude with super funky hair.At cine, we were undecisive to either watch a movie (The Maid) or play at arcade. I didn't want the movie because I'm already walking home ALONE and it was the last day of the Ghost Festival. Chances are high of me meeting or seeing flooding figures flooding around and probably lost their way to get to the gates of hell. So we chose Arcade but i dunno why.Arcade was super fun. We played daytona the 1st thing. We got thrashed by Joy low. AURGH. Super malu. Tons of people were watching us. Next, I challenged my friend to time-crisis 2. We shall see who lasts the longest. That one dun need to say.Next, was Daytona USA then. Keith was the super king. He trashed us 6-7 times in a row. Except Joy Low lar. The Keith went like: 'No more daytona! No more Daytona! PLS!' . haha. I was determine to really beat him but I lost all the time. Then it was 11pm already. Time to go home. walking alone. Oh well. I had fun, we had fun, she too had fun. =))------I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to stop it. But everyday I still do the same just for that...'someone'. But I've decided... I'm giving it up. More than half a year but I dont bother. I feel its pointless. Everyday, I seemed to 4get it but at night..before I sleep... I began to think about it again. It just won't end.. The obvious result stands right in front of my eyes. So I'm going to end it...and wait.Sigh. I guess I chose to be right rather than to be happy. Maybe.--------Shoutouts:Jerry: Hope you had fun at Sakae Sushi eh? hahaha. Happy birthday man. Together, we shall be brothers for a long time! God Bless you!Bean: you're going off to Sydney on Monday midnight. I doubt you will get anything for your brother lar. Rather get for your 'bao-bei'. Basket. hahaha. but do take care yeah?Caine/Poosiang: Thx for teaching me how to play bridge man. Now I know why its really fun.Joy Low: Mdm... glad to hear that you enjoyed urself too! hahaah. but i didnt because i got trashed by a GIRL. in cine somemore. I lost alot of face already. One day I will get back all my dignity. I lost enough shame in one day. Hahahah. God bless you!'Someone': What i can say is... You don't even notice the reasons of my actions towards. But I understand. Heh. ayl is used to this kinda situation. Sigh. But yeah, I hope you take care of yourself. =)) God bless you.
