Tuesday, August 26, 2008
{ 8/26/2008 10:26:00 PM }
hi blog readers of the world out there!I apologise for my terrible absence of my wonderful green blog.
I admit i miss writing it and displaying my thoughts unto this.
However, the reason I am writing and finally updating the blog because of a great incident has struck to me right at this moment.
I've been told that one of my grand aunt is at hospital now, under care. She's suffering from cancer and it seem that... she's not going to make it.
She was actually recovering from her illness but somehow, the cancer cells were spread to her brain and have now, affected her whole body. Including in memory and speech.
However it is, I want to see her. Honestly.. the feeling sucks. Seeing her lying on the bed, with all those tubes attached to her and being under the drip... feels so painful. She has trouble speaking. It really hurt me most on that part. It was difficult to make out what she was saying and yet, you can feel so helpless about it. I felt helpless. I felt the tears in my eyes but had to hold it back on.
She's not really very close to me but I see her annually during the 2nd day of chinese new year when she invites my family and relatives for lunch. I'm not prepared to not see her anymore around.
As much as I dont want to see her go, there isn't much I'm able to do.
And yet, I've never felt so disheartened this badly when just trying to talk to a dying person. It was like the hardest thing you ever have to try. You don't know what to say or how to say it as well. All I could do was just stand there and look.
But when we were about to leave, I gave her a pat on the shoulder and hold her hand, and said 'Take care'.
Sigh.